it’s actually weird/bothersome how little i feel the adderall now—like it still WORKS, definitely, but it’s not tangible at all?
is that just how it goes after that first adjustment period? (i had like one day of HYPERACTIVE JOY, two days of INTENSE FOCUS ON USELESS CRAP, then like four days of feeling like there were nails on a chalkboard inside my head and my teeth hurt and it was awful.)
but since then it’s been really under-the-radar. like i’m conscious of the fact that i can do like 50% more things than i could do before, and the fact that i just forget to sleep all the time reminds me that the deadly-focus-powers are still happening. but it’s not like i’m AWARE of a DIFFERENCE…it just…is?
(is that just normal if you’re taking it as-a-person-who-needs-it and not recreationally?)
and there’s the problem i always have with evaluating meds, which is like, as soon as i’m at all capable i go back to my ridiculous unhealthy lifestyle of working 24/7, eating sugar and caffeine, and never sleeping. so it becomes a constant question of “is this a problem with the medical side of things or a problem with me being a dumbass?”
(not that there’s actually a problem; i feel fine. it’s just weird that my experience doesn’t feel like it matches descriptions of People Taking Adderall? maybe i’m wrong?)